Nothing will make a narcissist`s divorce process easy. But there are certain strategies that make it more bearable: your spouse may try to make you look bad in court. Don`t respond to accusations your spouse may make against you or apologize for anything. No matter what your spouse may say in court, stay calm. What happens if a narcissist loses in court? They get angry when they think they`re starting to lose a custody case. Don`t be manipulated. This is an important point: as mentioned earlier, most couples are motivated to settle down. But a narcissist feeds on the drama and conflict of disputes. You are not interested in settling the matter without your full surrender. In fact, going to court and letting a judge make the decision relieves them of any responsibility for the outcome. And because narcissists are often charming and manipulative, there`s no guarantee that the judge will see your spouse the way you do. A divorce from a narcissist will almost certainly become a high level of conflict, as the characteristics of a conflicting spouse are eerily similar to the characteristics of a narcissist.
This does not mean that every narcissistic separation will be a high level of conflict. Certain types of narcissists, such as hidden narcissists, are very reluctant to engage in aggressive, frontal conflict. However, they may use more discreet attack methods, such as spreading rumors or hiding behind an overly aggressive legal team and playing the role of the innocent victim. These toxic behaviors are meant to wear you down, break you, and make you give in to their demands. Being married to a narcissist can be a difficult experience. A narcissist`s divorce is worse. Learning how to expose a narcissist may be the only way to win a guard battle with a narcissist. Your lawyer or mediator can create your plan and schedule, or you can create your own with Custody X Change. Even if a professional creates your final plan, it`s a good idea to create your own preview to show off what you want. A few months ago, we wrote about the six signs that show that it may be time to break up with your narcissistic spouse.
If you haven`t read it yet, do it now. And if so, read it again. As often as necessary, remember these signs and the trail of destruction they have left in your life. A guardian ad litem (LAG) is a court-appointed custody expert who looks after the interests of the child in custody cases. As a trained child advocate (often an advocate), a LAG conducts a custody investigation and makes recommendations to the judge. They also participate in court proceedings in the name of the best interests of the child, no matter what the parents want. If you`re divorcing a narcissist, chances are he or she won`t go quietly into the night. Take the main road instead.
Don`t give him anything to work with by letting yourself be drawn into his threats and insults. Focus on your goals and bite your tongue as much as possible. A narcissist feeds on your confusion and doubts. If they can lure you into a «lie,» they will. If you`re going to court against a narcissist, it`s important that you start documenting everything now. Keep records, bank statements, invoices, photos, and videos. Create calendars and journals to remember what happened when. Download your text messages and chat logs. Gather as much evidence as possible to show yourself, your lawyer and the judge what it`s like to live with a narcissist. A narcissist is not someone who likes to look at their photo in the mirror or post hundreds of selfies.
A narcissist is a personality disorder that can be diagnosed. He is someone who lacks empathy and delusional self-esteem. The term «narcissistic» is often used, but it is not always used accurately. People often suggest that someone else is a narcissist if they are conceited or selfish. These are classic characteristics of a narcissist. But narcissism goes far beyond mere vanity and selfishness. In fact, because you almost certainly care more about the well-being of your children than your narcissistic wife or husband, they will use the children to manipulate you, knowing that you will probably do whatever it takes to protect them. You can take frivolous lawsuits in court accusing yourself of being an inappropriate parent. This achieves a number of their goals: threatens your access to children, threatens your reputation, makes them feel virtuous, and increases your legal bills, which increases the chances that you will give in to their claims to avoid further litigation.
If this sounds familiar, read on. You can be married to a narcissist if your spouse: If your parenting plan and schedule are converted to court orders by the judge, here are your rules for co-parenting with your narcissistic ex. (You can also create plans for parallel parenting as an alternative to co-parenting.) For you, the matter may be clear. But you can`t expect the courts to see things the way you see them. Stay clear and open to all results. And plan with your lawyer for them. The key is to get your spouse to react badly by using his narcissistic tendencies against him. Asking questions that allow your spouse to inflate their contribution as a parent fits perfectly with a narcissist`s desire to show superior skills. However, you have records showing that your spouse hasn`t attended a game or seen their children in weeks or months.
If your lawyer starts questioning your spouse with facts and data, they are likely to answer incorrectly. Questioning his honesty and dedication will likely make him angry, which is what you want the judge or other family lawyers to testify. The more specific and organized your plan is, the more effectively it demonstrates your parenting skills in court. Your plan should be tailored to your child`s needs, with provisions tailored to all aspects of co-parenting. Your detailed parenting schedule should include the start and end times of each visit for years to come. The problem is that the narcissist is also a master manipulator. They seem strong and confident. A narcissist can also seem accommodating and easily charm other people, including judges, social workers, and even some therapists. This usually leads to a lengthy process of contentious divorce and custody, where you may find that divorcing a narcissist is even harder than marrying a narcissist. If possible, hire a lawyer who has experience in litigious divorce cases. As an expert in your state and local family court custody laws, a good family law attorney can make all the difference. To succeed in a custody battle, you need to prove that you are better than the other parent at meeting your child`s needs and interests.
You need evidence that shows how you care for your child, as well as evidence that shows how your ex doesn`t. Remember: narcissists can be tempting, and it doesn`t necessarily stop just because you`re getting divorced. In fact, if a narcissist feels hurt or cornered, they are more likely to activate the charm, whether towards you or the courts. It`s tempting to think it`s misleading or sneaky, but by documenting your interactions — and your ex`s interactions with children — you`re just arming yourself with a record of the truth. A recorded report about the time you spend with the children, or even the documentation of a simple phone call, could save you in court. When parents agree on a plan and schedule, they develop them together and submit them to the court for approval. Since a deal with a narcissist is unlikely, you`ll need to submit yours to court to show the exact custody arrangements you want. Common custody proofs include photos, emails, text messages, social media posts, family calendars, and official documents (medical, school, criminal, etc.).
Your parents` journal will help you record all of this electronically. You can also use the diary to document the other parent`s behavior to share with your lawyer and the court. First of all, it is almost impossible for a narcissist to accept guilt. No matter what they may have done – cheating on a partner, breaking the law, emptying the bank account – it was always done in response to a crime committed by someone else. You can delay divorce further, no matter how it harms the other party or even the children. They can paint a pathetic story of themselves as poverty-stricken single parents struggling to keep their heads above water while silently beating the other party through bullying, personality murder, or time withholding with children. You can go so far as to hide property in court. If a narcissist identifies something the divorce partner appreciates, whether it`s a boat or a child visit, they can do anything they can to interfere and ruin your happiness.
Setting and sticking to set limits can protect you from unwanted and unhealthy communications from your narcissistic ex. Write down how you will communicate with them and what topics you would like to discuss. For example, establish rules that phone calls should be scheduled in advance and that you only discuss co-parenting or logistical issues related to your case. When escaping a narcissistic relationship, the key is to show the court (and your support team) the truth behind the mask. This probably includes witnessing some of your worst moments when dealing with this extremely conflicted personality. Unfortunately, you can expect these traits to only get worse during your divorce. This can be difficult to stick to, especially if you have children together, when it may be inevitable. But if you push any communication about divorce yourself through your lawyers, you can avoid most of your spouse`s attempts to hurt and control you.
Focus only on the children, not on their custody or anything else related to the case. The question is how to expose the evil narcissist without appearing as a negative spouse in marriage. If these negotiations fail, most courts require parents to participate in mediation, where a neutral professional helps parents discuss disputes.